"I'm not even supposed to be here today!"

If you haven't heard the postgame from last night with Mets reliever Billy Wagner, it's definitely worth checking out. NSFW.

The long and short of it? Wagner makes himself available to the press after the Mets lose 1-0 to the Nationals and promptly directs his ire at the teammates that are not in the clubhouse talking to the press. Specifically he seemed to be "gesturing" to the vacated lockers of Luis Castillo, Carlos Beltran, and Carlos Delgado. And he nearly goes all Clerks on them saying he can't figure out why he's getting interviewed when he didn't even play.

Wagner repeated the performance on his weekly radio appearance last night, saying pretty much the same thing minus the f-bombs. The one major addition to his previous tirade being a denial that his remarks were directed solely at the Latino players on the roster.

It's unfortunate that we don't yet live in a society in which the race card can simply be ignored because it's unthinkable that someone would single out an ethnicity in a tirade like this. But I'm not debating that issue with this space.

I'm dedicating this post to Billy Wagner. Way to be human, Billy.

There's nothing I hate more than meaningless drivel passed off in soundbites. Interviews with coaches between quarters? Slightly less irritating than attaching a car battery to your testicles. Talking to the injured star on the sideline? I'd rather have ravenous ferrets stuffed in my boxer briefs.

Most of the time we get nothing of any value from these encounters. The interviewee is annoyed because instead of coaching and/or ogling the cheerleaders they have to pay attention to the dolt behind the microphone asking repetitive inane questions. The interviewer is resigned to getting Gerber sound bites (so palatable a baby could handle it) and so asks Gerber questions. Unless, of course, the interviewer is doing more research on base and eye shadow than on the actual questions they'll pose.

As fans, we collectively accept it. We know that every interview goes something like this:

" What do you need to do to get your team back in the game."

"Well, I think we need to play team ball, you know, and look for opportunities to get everyone involved in the game, you know. I think we just need to keep our energy up and find a way, you know, to make plays."

"How are you going to do that?"

"Well, I think we need to stay positive, you know, focus on executing well, you know. We have to play hard and, um, you know, just play the way we know we can play, you know."

At which point I'm shoving a rusty corkscrew in my ear because it hurts less and is a hell of a lot more entertaining.

We need Billy Wagner. We need players who say something...what's the word? Interesting!

Look, I know professional sports is all about business. The management perspective is to keep all employees, communication, and marketing toeing the company line, the bottom line. We own you, now smile for the camera. Sell those jerseys, keep 'em coming to the park, and your personality is the personality we tell you to have, a satisfied employee who loves all his co-workers and strives to be the best they can be!

Boring. Just goddamn boring.

I have an active interest in the Mets now. I want to see what's going to happen next. Will Wagner's words have an effect on the team? What kind of effect? Will anyone else stand up and say the same thing? Will someone stand up to him? What was his rationale? What is the rationale of the players who aren't making postgame appearances? Which Mets player will Randolph kill first?

When will ownership and management figure out that we want our stars to be human. We have to work with buzz word spouting corporate dillholes all day long. Why would we want to come home, turn on the game, and listen to another corporate dillhole spouting buzzwords?

No one wants their team to become a bickering, in-fighting, bitch fest. But there has to be some allowance for human nature. We have to have some ground in between corporate automaton and Albert Belle. Last time I checked, that's part of the manager's/coach's job. Steer the boat, set the rules, discipline where necessary.

So the next time you hear a player sounding off in a suspiciously normal, dare I say human, way, contact your team. Tell them you appreciate the freedom of expression they've given their players (even if they haven't) and you look forward to a more interesting season because of it.

Besides, it gives me something to write about.